Miscarriage

This is the one thing I thought or hoped that I wouldn't have to endure.  I know my body, and I know the statistics surrounding my conditions.  I still know that God is faithful, and no matter what I will serve Him.  I rejoice that my body was able to conceive and carry a baby, even for a few days!  I know that we will have a son; my heart knows it. 

Sur-real-ity

This morning, Brownie woke me up at about 7 am.  This is typical.  I let her out, she did her business and came back in; all the while, I'm dancing about.  I rush to the bathroom, grab the pregnancy test, tear open the wrapper, pull the pink cover off (all the while still dancing) and pee.  Aaaah!  I count to 10 and put the cover on.  I lay it down and watch the pee move along the test window.  Now any woman who has peed on a pregnancy test can tell you the agony and anticipation that sits on your heart as the liquid moves.  One pink line and I'm expecting white...Another pink line!  Holy crap!  As I'm processing what is happening, I am saying "Oh my God!" over and over...louder and louder.  I get off the toilet and run to my poor sleeping husband.  I'm standing over him, still saying "Oh my God!"  He is still half asleep.  I hear running down the hall and I realize that I've woken Lillian. She says, "What's wrong with your thigh?" Now I'm confused.  Kenny is awake now and I'm holding the pregnancy test telling both of them that we are going to have a baby!  I'm crying, Kenny is still slightly confused and Lillian is standing at the foot of the bed.  Finally, Lillian is excited and Kenny is smiling.  That's a great sign at 7 am on a Saturday morning.  We spend some time in the bed as a family celebrating that there is a new addition to the family coming.  I realize that in a couple of hours, Lillian and I are meeting my mom and sister to celebrate my mom's birthday.  How are we going to keep this quiet?!?!?  I tell Lillian the importance of keeping this quiet for now and she agrees to not say anything.  We are almost done with lunch.  I have managed not to say anything and Lillian has kept quiet too.  And then, Mom puts it together..."You're not pregnant already, are you?"  Shit!  I couldn't deny it.