Miscarriage

This is the one thing I thought or hoped that I wouldn't have to endure.  I know my body, and I know the statistics surrounding my conditions.  I still know that God is faithful, and no matter what I will serve Him.  I rejoice that my body was able to conceive and carry a baby, even for a few days!  I know that we will have a son; my heart knows it. 

Sur-real-ity

This morning, Brownie woke me up at about 7 am.  This is typical.  I let her out, she did her business and came back in; all the while, I'm dancing about.  I rush to the bathroom, grab the pregnancy test, tear open the wrapper, pull the pink cover off (all the while still dancing) and pee.  Aaaah!  I count to 10 and put the cover on.  I lay it down and watch the pee move along the test window.  Now any woman who has peed on a pregnancy test can tell you the agony and anticipation that sits on your heart as the liquid moves.  One pink line and I'm expecting white...Another pink line!  Holy crap!  As I'm processing what is happening, I am saying "Oh my God!" over and over...louder and louder.  I get off the toilet and run to my poor sleeping husband.  I'm standing over him, still saying "Oh my God!"  He is still half asleep.  I hear running down the hall and I realize that I've woken Lillian. She says, "What's wrong with your thigh?" Now I'm confused.  Kenny is awake now and I'm holding the pregnancy test telling both of them that we are going to have a baby!  I'm crying, Kenny is still slightly confused and Lillian is standing at the foot of the bed.  Finally, Lillian is excited and Kenny is smiling.  That's a great sign at 7 am on a Saturday morning.  We spend some time in the bed as a family celebrating that there is a new addition to the family coming.  I realize that in a couple of hours, Lillian and I are meeting my mom and sister to celebrate my mom's birthday.  How are we going to keep this quiet?!?!?  I tell Lillian the importance of keeping this quiet for now and she agrees to not say anything.  We are almost done with lunch.  I have managed not to say anything and Lillian has kept quiet too.  And then, Mom puts it together..."You're not pregnant already, are you?"  Shit!  I couldn't deny it.

Different dreams coming true

It's been awhile and life has been happening.  It's Saturday morning...I have been decluttering the house.  This process has been frustrating and revitalizing. 

Lillian completed second grade and will move to 3rd grade next year.  We had hoped that we would homeschool her and purchased A Beka curriculum; however, plans have changed.  I hope to work with her over the next 10 weeks to get her foundation stronger, so she will have a desire to continue to learn.

I start school on June 30.  I am only taking one one-credit hour class.  In the fall, I will take 2 classes - a humanities class and an accounting class.  Yes, I am changing my major, AGAIN.  This is what I do on a daily basis; how can I not do good?!?!  Plus, work is paying for my classes.  Woot!  I have been at my job for over 4 years, and to me, that is amazing.

Lastly, Kenny is starting a new business.  We are very excited!  It is all still in the works, but I believe God has perfect timing.  We have been working together to get the business up and running, and there are lots of things to do still. 

Our desire to have another child has not gone away.  We are just not chasing it any more.  I think we both realize that life still happens even if you are focused on one thing.  That one thing was having another baby.  We are just going to let God do what He does best - MIRACLES!

Cycle #30

This has been a long road.  My mind is cloudy today...I have taken 150 mg on CD3-7 and 150 iu of Menopur on CD8 thru CD14.  I triggered last night and will ovulate some time between this morning to tomorrow morning. The egg is good for about 12 hours.  I have been having ovulation pain all morning, so we will definitely be BD-ing tonight.  My IUI is scheduled for tomorrow morning.  I will begin testing on Saturday, February 13.  My due date would be October 26, 2010.

Since it has been so long, things are just matter-of-fact.  It is what it is...In due time, we will have our son.

Again?!?!

Well, I went in on 1/8/10 (CD3) for my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork.  There was an 18mm follicle staring at the nurse.  She called in the doctor to look and sure enough...I waited anxiously all day for my estradiol results - 148!  The nurse said that we were going to go with the flow and the guide of my body and that the doc wanted to see me on Tuesday.  I went in on Tuesday and the nurse saw a corpus luteum, which meant that I ovulated sometime between Friday and Tuesday.  I am in the two week wait...

Now, I know that this blog has been mainly about our journey with trying to conceive; however, I have felt like I needed to lose some weight for a long time.  I am 155 lbs at 5'2".  It's not too bad, but I know that I can look and feel better.  So, Monday,  1/11/10, I changed my way of life.  I found a great list online of things to do.  I figured out how many calories my body needs and deducted 500 calories in an effort to lose 1 pound a week.  I am eating healthy and writing down EVERYTHING that I eat.  There is no cheating this time!!  I weighed myself this morning, 1/17, and I am down 1.5 pounds.  I am SO excited.  I am going to continue this because I NEED THIS.

Hell, I figure while I am waiting to have a baby, I might as well start looking fabulous!  And if I never have another baby, I will still look great and wouldn't have put losing weight off.  I would definitely be more mad at myself.  I am going to be 29 in about 2 months, and I want to be thinner than I am now.  I figure if I keep up the 1.5-lb loss/week, I should be close to 140 lbs!!!!  Good times!

O Day

Today has been eventful, to say the least.  I started doing OPK's yesterday morning (Wednesday) per the nurse's request on Tuesday.  The 1 follicle on my right ovary was 15mm on Tuesday, and she said that she didn't want us to miss the surge.  Well, I got my smiley face this morning, which is definitely easier than trying to read those stupid double lines tests!  I went in this morning for my appt at 7:15 am with Lillian in tow...Before Joy drew blood, I asked her what the protocol would be if I got my smiley.  She said that we would do the u/s and b/w and probably have me come back tomorrow for the IUI.  After she drew blood and did the u/s, she called Dr P and he said to come back this morning.  I called Kenny, who freaked out because he was at work.  Joy gave me my Ovidrel shot.  I took Lillian to school, picked up Kenny's specimen and hauled to the doctor's office.  I waited 2 hours for his specimen to be ready.  At 11:30+, Joy called me back and I got the IUI.  Everything went well, and I made it into work at 1:30 pm.  I couldn't believe it took so long...I start Crinone on Saturday and call in 2 weeks if AF hasn't shown...I believe this is the time.  My HEDD is 9/9/2010.

First cycle with Dr S

I am currently 2 dpo - 10 days until I can test/AF shows.  Kenny and I met with Dr S this morning.  We talked about what I wanted to do, and he made his suggestion.  I told him that I wanted to be as aggressive as we could without having to do IVF.  Our plan of treatment for next cycle is a baseline on CD2 or 3; letrozole, 5mg; CD3-7, followed by an u/s on CD8.  On CD8 or 9, I will start the Ganirelix and Bravelle, 450 iu and Menopur, 150 iu.  The nurse said that there will be a calendar that she will give me when the time comes.  She also just left me a message and said that I will also have to take Crinone 2 dpiui due to the Ganirelix.  This next cycle is going to be VERY intense if I am not preggo now.  The nurse has ordered the meds, and Ascend will be calling me soon....The wait is on. 

For now, I continue my acupuncture appointments, which are going really well.

Brandi