Changes

So I feel like the Lord is leading my family in a new direction. I have been going to school, and I will be continuing to do so. It appears that we will probably be moving to Zephyrhills. I will be working this semester and going to school. That's about all I know. We are looking for a place to rent/buy, and we are believing for the right place for us. We are going to look at a place on Friday, though we will only be looking at the outside and the neighborhood. It will be much smaller than our house that we have now, but I am quite excited. Kenny and Lillian are VERY skeptical that we can do this and make it work. We watched the Smurfs movie, and it got me thinking about needing a smaller mushroom. :) Lots of things that we are praying about. I am meditating on some songs that have been in my heart and believing that He is leading us in the right direction. Hugs to all! B

New Times

So there hasn't been a post since my miscarriage in November. Lots of great things have been happening in my life, just not a pregnancy. I am okay with this, because I know that God has a plan for my life.

I have been purging my home and my heart of things that need to be gotten rid of. It has been nice to feel "clean". I have been organizing what I have and that has been nice, too.

I started school this week, and I am happy. I am praying that my mind will remember everything that I need to remember. I understand now that I have to do that work that will enable my mind to remember, which means loads of STUDYING. I'm excited!

I hope to update a little more frequently. <3

Miscarriage

This is the one thing I thought or hoped that I wouldn't have to endure.  I know my body, and I know the statistics surrounding my conditions.  I still know that God is faithful, and no matter what I will serve Him.  I rejoice that my body was able to conceive and carry a baby, even for a few days!  I know that we will have a son; my heart knows it. 

Sur-real-ity

This morning, Brownie woke me up at about 7 am.  This is typical.  I let her out, she did her business and came back in; all the while, I'm dancing about.  I rush to the bathroom, grab the pregnancy test, tear open the wrapper, pull the pink cover off (all the while still dancing) and pee.  Aaaah!  I count to 10 and put the cover on.  I lay it down and watch the pee move along the test window.  Now any woman who has peed on a pregnancy test can tell you the agony and anticipation that sits on your heart as the liquid moves.  One pink line and I'm expecting white...Another pink line!  Holy crap!  As I'm processing what is happening, I am saying "Oh my God!" over and over...louder and louder.  I get off the toilet and run to my poor sleeping husband.  I'm standing over him, still saying "Oh my God!"  He is still half asleep.  I hear running down the hall and I realize that I've woken Lillian. She says, "What's wrong with your thigh?" Now I'm confused.  Kenny is awake now and I'm holding the pregnancy test telling both of them that we are going to have a baby!  I'm crying, Kenny is still slightly confused and Lillian is standing at the foot of the bed.  Finally, Lillian is excited and Kenny is smiling.  That's a great sign at 7 am on a Saturday morning.  We spend some time in the bed as a family celebrating that there is a new addition to the family coming.  I realize that in a couple of hours, Lillian and I are meeting my mom and sister to celebrate my mom's birthday.  How are we going to keep this quiet?!?!?  I tell Lillian the importance of keeping this quiet for now and she agrees to not say anything.  We are almost done with lunch.  I have managed not to say anything and Lillian has kept quiet too.  And then, Mom puts it together..."You're not pregnant already, are you?"  Shit!  I couldn't deny it.

Different dreams coming true

It's been awhile and life has been happening.  It's Saturday morning...I have been decluttering the house.  This process has been frustrating and revitalizing. 

Lillian completed second grade and will move to 3rd grade next year.  We had hoped that we would homeschool her and purchased A Beka curriculum; however, plans have changed.  I hope to work with her over the next 10 weeks to get her foundation stronger, so she will have a desire to continue to learn.

I start school on June 30.  I am only taking one one-credit hour class.  In the fall, I will take 2 classes - a humanities class and an accounting class.  Yes, I am changing my major, AGAIN.  This is what I do on a daily basis; how can I not do good?!?!  Plus, work is paying for my classes.  Woot!  I have been at my job for over 4 years, and to me, that is amazing.

Lastly, Kenny is starting a new business.  We are very excited!  It is all still in the works, but I believe God has perfect timing.  We have been working together to get the business up and running, and there are lots of things to do still. 

Our desire to have another child has not gone away.  We are just not chasing it any more.  I think we both realize that life still happens even if you are focused on one thing.  That one thing was having another baby.  We are just going to let God do what He does best - MIRACLES!

Cycle #30

This has been a long road.  My mind is cloudy today...I have taken 150 mg on CD3-7 and 150 iu of Menopur on CD8 thru CD14.  I triggered last night and will ovulate some time between this morning to tomorrow morning. The egg is good for about 12 hours.  I have been having ovulation pain all morning, so we will definitely be BD-ing tonight.  My IUI is scheduled for tomorrow morning.  I will begin testing on Saturday, February 13.  My due date would be October 26, 2010.

Since it has been so long, things are just matter-of-fact.  It is what it is...In due time, we will have our son.

Again?!?!

Well, I went in on 1/8/10 (CD3) for my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork.  There was an 18mm follicle staring at the nurse.  She called in the doctor to look and sure enough...I waited anxiously all day for my estradiol results - 148!  The nurse said that we were going to go with the flow and the guide of my body and that the doc wanted to see me on Tuesday.  I went in on Tuesday and the nurse saw a corpus luteum, which meant that I ovulated sometime between Friday and Tuesday.  I am in the two week wait...

Now, I know that this blog has been mainly about our journey with trying to conceive; however, I have felt like I needed to lose some weight for a long time.  I am 155 lbs at 5'2".  It's not too bad, but I know that I can look and feel better.  So, Monday,  1/11/10, I changed my way of life.  I found a great list online of things to do.  I figured out how many calories my body needs and deducted 500 calories in an effort to lose 1 pound a week.  I am eating healthy and writing down EVERYTHING that I eat.  There is no cheating this time!!  I weighed myself this morning, 1/17, and I am down 1.5 pounds.  I am SO excited.  I am going to continue this because I NEED THIS.

Hell, I figure while I am waiting to have a baby, I might as well start looking fabulous!  And if I never have another baby, I will still look great and wouldn't have put losing weight off.  I would definitely be more mad at myself.  I am going to be 29 in about 2 months, and I want to be thinner than I am now.  I figure if I keep up the 1.5-lb loss/week, I should be close to 140 lbs!!!!  Good times!

O Day

Today has been eventful, to say the least.  I started doing OPK's yesterday morning (Wednesday) per the nurse's request on Tuesday.  The 1 follicle on my right ovary was 15mm on Tuesday, and she said that she didn't want us to miss the surge.  Well, I got my smiley face this morning, which is definitely easier than trying to read those stupid double lines tests!  I went in this morning for my appt at 7:15 am with Lillian in tow...Before Joy drew blood, I asked her what the protocol would be if I got my smiley.  She said that we would do the u/s and b/w and probably have me come back tomorrow for the IUI.  After she drew blood and did the u/s, she called Dr P and he said to come back this morning.  I called Kenny, who freaked out because he was at work.  Joy gave me my Ovidrel shot.  I took Lillian to school, picked up Kenny's specimen and hauled to the doctor's office.  I waited 2 hours for his specimen to be ready.  At 11:30+, Joy called me back and I got the IUI.  Everything went well, and I made it into work at 1:30 pm.  I couldn't believe it took so long...I start Crinone on Saturday and call in 2 weeks if AF hasn't shown...I believe this is the time.  My HEDD is 9/9/2010.

First cycle with Dr S

I am currently 2 dpo - 10 days until I can test/AF shows.  Kenny and I met with Dr S this morning.  We talked about what I wanted to do, and he made his suggestion.  I told him that I wanted to be as aggressive as we could without having to do IVF.  Our plan of treatment for next cycle is a baseline on CD2 or 3; letrozole, 5mg; CD3-7, followed by an u/s on CD8.  On CD8 or 9, I will start the Ganirelix and Bravelle, 450 iu and Menopur, 150 iu.  The nurse said that there will be a calendar that she will give me when the time comes.  She also just left me a message and said that I will also have to take Crinone 2 dpiui due to the Ganirelix.  This next cycle is going to be VERY intense if I am not preggo now.  The nurse has ordered the meds, and Ascend will be calling me soon....The wait is on. 

For now, I continue my acupuncture appointments, which are going really well.

Brandi

The results are in...

I called this morning to get the results of my AMH, and the results were not good.  My levels are less than 0.1!  This is a sign of diminished ovarian reserve, and the chances of pregnancy are extremely low.  However, I had a dream one year ago tomorrow that we would have a son.  God is amazing and faithful;  I know that He answers prayers and gives us the desires of our heart.  Our desire (me, Kenny and Lillian) is to have another baby.  I am at peace with twins...We pretty much have names for two boys or a boy and a girl.

Dr S said to create a plan for the next year at my first appointment.  At that time, I pretty much had a plan.  Kenny and I talked; and we agreed that 3 mature follicles, this does not include less mature follicles, would be the maximum that we would be comfortable with.  So here is what I am thinking right now for treatment:

First cycle: Letrozole, pre-mixed injectables and trigger, and 1 IUI.
Second cycle: Letrozole; pre-mixed injectables, lupron (if necessary) and trigger, and 1 IUI
Third cycle: Same as second cycle but with 2 IUI's
If I am not preggo by then, we will start saving for IVF, but the protocol for the second and third cycles is similar medicinally to IVF.  God has a plan and timing...

NEW RE

I had my appointment yesterday, and I am SO happy!  I cannot believe that I waited so long to find a new doc when I was unhappy with the service I received from the other place.  Dr S is amazing!  We went over my paperwork and I brought a lot with me - charts, previous chart from other doc, my calendar showing cycles from 2007 - current...He actually did an exam, so I got to see my uterus and my ovaries.  I do have a 2 cm by 2.5 cm cyst on my left ovary, so he is going to be watching it over the next couple of weeks.  He ordered the AMH b/w to see how my ovaries are working and how my egg reserve is.  I go on November 30 to go over the b/w and to set up a plan of treatment! 

God is good!

Living Debt Free

Living debt free has always been something I wanted to do; however, when we bought our house, we were not prepared for the initial expenses. This lack of preparedness has put some stress on us, our marriage and our relationship with our daughter. So, in an effort to turn this around, I listened to Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University series. The principles are easy and simple. I'm excited to get thru the process and live debt-free.

Here is a ticker to show our progress on eliminating credit cards and our vehicle payments:



Once these items are paid off, we will work on establishing a better emergency fund, then pay off our student loans...The baby steps are easy and listed below:

1. $1000 emergency fund
2. Debt snowball (pay off everything except for your house)
3. Three - six months of living expenses
4. Invest 15% of household income into ROTH IRAs or pre-tax retirement
5. College funding for children
6. Pay off your home early
7. Build wealth and give! Invest in mutual funds and real estate

Countdown begins...

I haven't been on here in awhile to provide an update. While I am going to school and working, I would still love to have another baby (and a sibling for Lillian). My biological clock is ticking louder and louder, and it doesn't seem to want to quiet down. In talking to my wonderful husband, we decided to start trying again, so I made an appointment with a new RE's office. The appointment is on November 10th at 1 pm. I have been mum to the women at work, and I don't want to say anything for a little while. You bet your butt that I WILL tell them when I am pregnant!!!!

Anyhow, here is the ticker for my appointment:

Two Weeks

Usually when I talk about two weeks, it is waiting to take a pregnancy test. Well, this time, it is that AF found me only two weeks after my last period. I'm frustrated to say the least. I do not know what is going on with my body. I cannot really do anything because my (in my opinion) stupid RE won't do anything for me! I'm okay with waiting because of going back to school, but does my body really have to be this obnoxious??!?!? I take Human Anatomy/Physiology I in August, so I hope that this class will shed some light on what is going on...

End of the Road...For Now

Welp, I have been on injectables, Bravelle (225 iu) and Menopur (150 iu), for 7 days. I had my baseline on CD3 and my u/s showed no cysts and my estradiol was 23. I started injectables that night and did them until last night. I went in this morning for a follow-up - bloodwork and ultrasound. My estradiol has not changed since my follow-up on Tuesday, less than 20, and there is no growth of any of my follies. I cannot believe it!

The doc said to stop taking the injectables and to come in for a consult. I declined the consult for now. I am going to focus on school and my wonderful, bright daughter and my amazing husband. I believe that I will have a son! We are like Sarah and Abraham...

Cinco de Mayo

If I were a drinker, I could definitely party tonight! AF showed today. I have my baseline u/s and b/w on Friday at 8 am EST. I will have my results in the afternoon to know whether or not I get to start the injectables. Kenny and I decided that whatever happens happens. We will leave it in God's hands to give us a baby in His time. I'm okay with this decision as I start school next Monday - College Algebra, followed by Intro to Religion. During the fall 2009, I will take Anatomy/Physiology I and Microbiology. In the spring, I take my last class - Anatomy/Physiology II, and then I can apply for nursing school in the fall 2010! I'm excited!!!

Easing Up

We may be easing up on the gas a little for TTC. While I would love another baby or two, I am going to start taking a class per semester at the local community college. I'm at peace with whatever happens regarding TTC, as I know God has a plan for our lives...Kenny and I have not really talked about this directly, but I think we both agree that taking a break is going to be necessary.

Unmedicated...

lol...I have been unmedicated in all senses of the word for a couple of weeks. I had been spotting for awhile and went in on what I thought was CD2, only to find out that it wasn't. My estrogen (estradiol or E2) was 90. It needs to be under 60 to start injectables... I also had two cysts on my ovaries at that time. Then on Monday, April 6, I went back again for b/w and u/s...found out that I had a 17mm cyst. My estrogen was 237!!! Needless to say, I am taking this cycle unmedicated...The nurse did say that when I get a positive OPK to call and an IUI would be done the following morning...I haven't started the OPK's yet...I should probably start them tomorrow, 4/9.

The End of March...

Today is the last day of March 2009. I cannot believe how time has flown by...I started spotting this morning and I'm not too happy. I hold on to the dream that I had about my son and believe that God gave me that dream to hold on to during these trying times. I'm pretty sure that my temp will drop tomorrow and AF will be here to bring in April and the start of a new cycle.

I am just finishing a Clomid cycle at 150 mg. My progesterone at 8 dpo/7 dpiui was 18.1 which is great! I actually responded better to the clomid then I did my last cycle of injectables...

Provided my b/w and u/s come back good, I will be using 225 iu of Bravelle and 150 iu of Menopur subcutaneously from CD3 until I have at least one mature follicle. I will then trigger and 36 hours later have an IUI (intrauterine insemination). My HEDD would be sometime in the first several of days of January 2010. I am hopeful that this will be the cycle...

Friday the 13th

Well, today is Friday the 13th. This day is usually a "lucky" day for me, since I was born on this day (Friday the 13th)! However, AF found me this morning, just like my chart indicated she would. I have an appointment with the RE on Tuesday (2/17) at 4 pm to talk about how my first injectables cycle went. In my opinion, the cycle went well given the circumstances. I feel like the doctor only did the minimum required to say that he let me do an injectables cycle. (By minimum, I mean providing the medication, u/s and b/w - nothing else. I hope that he does not say that he won't go any further with me on Tuesday because I think I will have some choice words for him.

I know that God has a plan as to when other children are supposed to enter our life; I just wish He would share that timing with us. I get the feeling, though, that a child will be born in end of December/beginning of January. This timing would fit our birthday schedule, as shown below:

December/January: New baby
Feb: Kenny
March: me
April: Lillian

I think it would only be appropriate to have a baby in late December or January. Don't you think so?!?